My day is a hard one for me

I have been fighting autoimmune disorders for years, and My body is getting tired or is it my brain...I have no idea but I find myself wanting to cry today. Waking up in the middle of the night with my body in a flare cause extreme pain and discomfort was the start of it.
So many loved ones have passed on, some are fighting the cancer battle, some are losing themselves into the past.I pray every night,I find myself talking to God during the daytime lately also. I realized this morning something I had forgotten, God does answer prayers but sometimes the answer is no and I need to accept that. 
I am writing and fighting the grumpy state I seem to be in, coming to terms to the pain and the mental anguish and let God do what God is going to do. I am getting the urge to paint again but what is not quite there yet, hoping it will be soon coming...

As we go through the journey of our lives
There will be many forks in the road
Things will happen that test our strength
Just remember you never walk alone
There is always someone by your side

When the journey feels like too much
Let it go and let God

tee 

 

Blogger after Multiply

I see the same people here that I interacted with on Multiply and it puzzles me that there is no response from them on my posts. I hope its not political because would be childish, I hope its not that I am totally boring,If that is the case please tell me
I do live alone, call myself a hermit because of the lack of interacting with the world, my saving grace is blogging, Fb etc. I enjoy reading other posts, other ideas, other place and people..
I will  keep on writing as long as my old fingers and brain allow me to. So have a great day all of you out there in Blogger land!

 about 1947

 

A bit of me

Life isn't always what you make it

I have lived a long life, the first years were during WW2 and that was living carefully hand to mouth but we made it. Then life got easier, better food, better clothes, more choices.
In my teen years I made my choices thinking they would be happy ever after, well that was mostly wrong. I raised my family through my twenties mostly without  the kids dad he was busy working and drinking, we survived and eight great children became adults.
I chose after a quarter of a century to leave that bad marriage, ended up in a happy one, one that only last three years until cancer became our life and ended my buddy, my husband.
After that I choose to be a lone except for my children, grand children and a few extended family. One friend( I thought) did a job of pretending to be there for me, then she when she needed something.
For17 years I have had to live with various conditions , all rare and now they are telling me I have a really rare one caused by they do not, bu if they figure it out and fix it my condition of misery will go away. so do I choose to follow through with the tests and hope there really is an answer or do I wait and see what happens next.

Keeping on

Times keeps moving on and I am still here blogging away. Life isn't easy but we keep trying.

Good advice!

The New One Hopefully For Grand Daughter

What makes Us Happy

Life does not guarantee happiness, we keep seeking it in different ways. But do we already have it and do not see it? That is something that I am contemplating as I sit here  limited in what I can do. I think maybe I am lucky to be able to find happiness in the little things that I can do.
I know I am not going to be famous for my painting nor am I going to get  awards for my writing but do I need them is my question. I go into another world when painting, do I become different when painting or when  writing, it is like I go outside of myself to do it. Now I wonder is that place that I go to the real me, or are we different people for different things.
Was I mother earth when gardening and caring for my flowers? Was I a farmer when caring for the farm animals, or was the  loving caring woman that raised  all of her children, helping them become what they are meant to be. Do we wear different hats for different things. Can we allow ourselves to evolve into  what our potential really is or do we stifle ourselves from fear of failure, or of being laughed at.
As I sat here  yesterday  I was wishing i could do my yard work, that I could get a small camper and just go traveling, then all of a sudden I said  to myself and old adage my mom would say," If wishes were horses then beggars would ride". It was then I had a defining moment, Maybe I am doing exactly what is planned for me, maybe I am happy and do not appreciate the fact that happy isn't always what we think it is.
Maybe if we all just relax, take a deep breath and let it all go for a few minutes and as we refresh our electronics maybe that is what we need to do.Do we really have to worry and wonder if a political party is in office, do we really need to  wish we  could do things we can't , do we need to stress ourselves with needless worries that  have no bearing on our lives in the long run.
Something tells me we are mostly doing it all wrong and the hints we get to make changes are ignored. I for one am going to stop and let things happen for I realize that is exactly what  I do when painting and writing, I never plan any of it and it gets where I am suppose to put it whether its paint or words.